PCFC Match Reports - Reserves

All right, all right…..forget what I wrote in the last report. It wasn’t my last one of the season, so apologies. In fact neither is this as we have one more game in about 11 days, so in the classic words of Whitesnake ‘Here I go again on my own…dum dee dum dee dum dum…’
Our adversaries this week were Hazlebury Bryan reserves, a newly formed side who will be joining the second division next year with their first-team in the higher division, a situation similar to that of Palace Court. On paper, this looked to be a sure win (especially as they had been beaten 8-0 by the first team on the previous weekend), but as we are about as predictable as a chicken in a Rocky film anything could happen.
For some reason Hazlebury Bryan itself is in a permanent state of mugginess and is closer than Lee Wallis is to his wallet when match fees are mentioned (note the subtle reminder Piglet), so as this was never going to be a high tempo game, quick, neat passing was definitely on the agenda.
Attacking uphill in the first half, Palace put Hazlebury on the back foot from minute one. Using the wingers and the width of the pitch as much as possible, Palace were able to pump crosses into and across the edge of the box as often as they liked. However with the opposition on the back foot the penalty area was so crammed with orange shirts (with bodies inside them, obviously) that the ball, more often than not, went round inside the box like a pinball and richoched out, somehow avoiding the goal each time.
Strangely enough, Palace had more luck going forward when we took our feet off the gas a bit. Allowing Hazlebury to come forward left them completely open to the counter attack and Palace were three-up by half time with one strike from Lee Wallis and two from Luke Perry. This could easily have been closer to double figures, but somehow last ditch goal-line clearances thwarted all the attempts by Palace Court. I do think that one of them had actually crossed the line, but as the stand-in ref was slightly further away from goal as you would have liked (ie the centre circle), it would have been pretty hard to judge.
The second half was pretty much like the first and again Palace could have scored more than the one (a neat header by Alex O’Donnell) than they did. Hazlebury were saved by numerous deflections and one wonder-save from Barry in goal (not bad for an aging rocker).
One highlight of this game was a goal attempt by Luke Perry that would have made any martial-arts specialist proud. The flying horizontal leap, with more hang-time than Magic Johnson, would have looked a lot better had he connected with the ball. Instead he just looked as if he were waiting for a special playstation move that you could only complete by pressing R1, �›, �£ and X at the same time.
This game proved to be a nice ‘run-out’ for Palace who actually played some very neat and tidy football but were unlucky in front of goal. If the game had been closer (this sentence will make some sort of sense–ish) Palace would have scored more, but with the game being played as it was, we were either too greedy or not greedy enough in front of goal and were too layed-back, not being pushed above jogging pace throughout.
I was told afterwards by Barry, the Hazlebury manager, that they had applied for a new pavilion as they now had two football and one cricket team for it to accommodate. That would definitely get my backing as I think the acidic shower-base ate my socks!

8.05 am, Sunday 6^th April. Wake up……snow.
8.10am, Sunday 6^th April. Text from Pete Clarke ‘Is the game still on?’
Let’s think about this for a minute……Firstly, you’re twenty-something not four. You shouldn’t be out so early playing in the snow. Secondly, you’re not playing at the moment, so why wake up so early? Maybe it takes a bit of time to get your hair right. Thirdly, exactly who is going to be able to give you an answer at that time in the morning? I really don’t expect that our illustrious managers are going to be up planning the team quite so early. I think/hope they’d still be pushing out the z’s at 9.10 let alone at 8.10.
With this being the final league game of the season, the Reserves were looking to extend their winning streak to 3 at the Burton Street whilst their opponents, Atletico Shaftesbury, were looking for a win to increase their promotion chances.
Ok, enough of the formal stuff. This is the last report of the year (apart from the odd friendly) so I’m going to throw three sheets to the wind and see what happens (this is probably no different than my other match reports, but we’ll see). The pitch was in pretty good nick, which was a surprise due to the melting snow, and Palace started well, with the passing being of ‘Premiership Standard’ (quoted from Mr J Collins at half-time).
With Nick Grimes out injured, Adam Guy was released from his normal defensive role and was able to express himself on the wing. Fortunately for the spectators he concentrated on his football instead! With both Adam and Lee Wallis on the wings pushing forward, the central midfield had more space to move around in and supply plenty of through balls for the forwards .Palace were constantly attacking and were soon 1-0 up after a neat finish by Luke Perry. Even though we were out-playing the opposition, the score was soon one-all when a glancing header across the box squeezed in past Lee’s fingers in goal (Due to the First team having no game and our regular keeper Martin being away, Lee Discombe was abducted before kick-off and thrown between the sticks).
Palace continued as before, with Atletico unable to cope with the attacking runs coming from both wings and full-backs, but were unable to capitalize on the possession and typically went two-one down before half time after some loose defending in the box.
Palace came out after the break still firing on all cylinders and attacked from the off. Atletico were on the back foot straight away and soon found the scores level when Lee Wallis lobbed a ball into the area for Rob Hiscock to head home. It was only moments later when another cross came into the area for Duncan to head in his ninth of the season and to make the score 3-2 to Palace. With Palace sensing a rout (this time in their favour) they applied even more pressure but failed to connect on several occasions with Murphy, Hammond, Hesketh and Stevens all guilty of glaring mistakes in front of goal. Please note I did have the decency to include myself amongst this group…..the goal just wasn’t where I thought it was.
Things then went t**s-up quicker than at a ladies trampoline contest.
Palace allowed Atletico to pull one back against the run of play after their forward skipped two tackles and rounded the keeper. They were then awarded a very dubious penalty when their forward went to ground even though the ball was running out of play and out of reach. This was duly saved, but Atletico scored on the rebound and led 4-3.
Another penalty was awarded shortly afterwards (please excuse me on this one, as my view was impaired at this point and I only saw a body falling from mid-air) when Lee Wallis (I believe) up-ended an opponent in the centre of the box. Atletico needed no rebound this time and made the score 5-3 where it stayed until the final whistle.
Overall, Palace deserved to have won this game (I really am not just saying this) as our passing and attacking football was superb but a combination of bad finishing and dubious decisions came back to haunt us.
As I said, this is the last competitive game and possibly the last write-up of the season, but I may scribble down a note or two if we have any post-season friendlies.
If not, then au-revoir and I will return with a new-look to the website for the 2008-2009 season which I hope will prove to be better than this one.

Oh hell, as I put ‘three sheets to the wind’ before, what I really mean is……..we played like donkey-dung this season, we couldn’t have found our arse with an atlas and our shooting was about as accurate as Michael Fish's predictions. We’d better play better in 2008-2009 or you’re all fired (excluding me of course, who else would write this drivel!!).

With a strong eleven and an even stronger bench (one of which was resigned to ball-retrieval duties in a rampant prickly hedge), Palace started well and were one-nil up within 5 minutes with a close range shot from Nick Grimes. After the initial spell from Palace, the game evened out with both teams playing balls through the middle for the forwards to latch on to. Both teams had chances, with most being squandered by ‘wayward’ shooting. When saying wayward, I use Sam Chinns attempt at goal that was the equivalent of hitting Sturminster when aiming for Marnhull. Both teams had one-on-ones with the keeper, again with chances squandered (say no more, Duncan), but perseverance paid off when Luke Perry scored his first of the game to make the score 2-0. This lasted only a few minutes before Dextra bundled in their first, with a collision between Martin in goal and the oncoming striker going in the oppositions favour. This was only in the terms of the score, as the limping forward definitely came out worst in the challenge.

This time, I’m going to keep this short purely because you may as well read the previous write-ups to get the gist of what happened. Another dire performance by the Reserves left everyone thinking ‘how’ and ‘why’ at the end of the ninety minutes.
With Richie Roff and Kierhan Ellis brought in to the team to cover our player shortages, Palace could only win and within 20 minutes we were one-nil up with a great finish from Kierhan.
And that was it. 20 minutes of good football, one goal, in the lead then BOOM!!! We imploded as we have so often this season. Soon 5-1 down, Richie Roff pulled the score back to 5-2 with a thumping drive into the far corner of the net, only for Palace to go 6-2 down minutes later. The score remained until the final whistle.
Our passing was good going sideways, but poor going forwards and back. Our attacks were good, but only towards the corner flags and not the goal. Our defence was solid, until the ball got into the penalty area. The outcome was inevitable.
Three games left with nine points up for grabs. Three are hopeful, six are probable but if we play as we did today none are likely.
Let’s have at least one run of form before season end
Signed

Rafa

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Ok, where do I begin this week? The unstoppable force being stopped? The Hulk going soft? or the numerous decisions that went against us? I guess it had better be the game first with the aforesaid questions being answered as I go.
PCFC were hoping to make amends for last weeks defeat to Millers Athletic by beating the Kings Arms (a team we had destroyed two weeks earlier by seven goals to four) away at South Cheriton. Typically we didn’t!
Both teams started at a good pace with little to choose between the two. The Kings Arms struck first, however, with a drive from outside the area squeezing past Parfitts fingers into the bottom corner of the goal. This kick-started Palace who began to play some nice quick-passing football enabling them to break through the opposition’s midfield and into the box. Palace efforts soon paid off when the ball broke to Luke Perry in the penalty area who calmly slotted the ball into the back of the net. At this point, the Kings Arms stepped up a gear and began counter attacking at speed. Palaces’ defence held firm until lady-luck decided to play against us. A blatant foul left Adam Guy floored in the centre-circle, but the play was allowed to continue with our central defender lying face first in the grass (this is not the first time this happened, but probably the first time sober) and the Kings Arms made the score 2-1. It then became 3-1 shortly afterwards with Palace still bemused over the previous decision. PCFC did manage to draw one back before half-time when Jordan Collins chested the ball down in the penalty area, turned and fired the ball into the bottom corner, leaving the score 3-2 at half time. In the second half though, things went a bit Ken Dodd. Palace started well and put the oppositions defence under pressure from minute one, only for the entire world to go up-side down. First, the unstoppable-force Jordan Collins was stopped sent crashing to the ground like a lead balloon. Free-kick…….hold on, sorry, the ref said play-on. Second, one of the opposition stopped a shot on goal with his hand (he wasn’t the keeper). Penalty………hold on, sorry, that was play-on. Thirdly, Adam Guy was fouled (blatantly) in the box going for goal. Phew, Penalty……sorry, that was play-on as well. Ok, so you can see how this is going. With all of these hick-ups, Palace never really got going, finding that their efforts were being thwarted by the decisions as much as the opposing defence. The Kings Arms put four more past a somewhat despondent Palace, but we did get a consolation goal when Duncan Hammond shot directly at the keeper on a one-on-one situation allowing Luke Perry to pick up the rebound and his second of the game. I am hoping Duncan doesn’t claim an assist!!
During the chaos that was the second half, Sam Chinn, Palaces’ resident Volcano, was involved in a fifty-fifty tackle that left both players grounded. On getting up, the opponent then pushed Sam to the ground and began screaming obscenities that only a Sunday League player would know in his face. At that point I, like many others, was waiting for Sam to go Bruce Banner, turn green and start tearing off his opponent’s limbs. This never happened. Sam sat impassively, Buddha-like, as if nothing was happening at all. Was he concussed? No, but we do believe that his excess testosterone levels had been dramatically reduced since meeting his new lady friend. This is obviously a positive, but the last thing we need is for Sam to reduce his levels by such a degree that he’s actually too scared to tackle. Perhaps he should reduce his hours of seduction to get the balance just right.
The final score was 7-3 to the Kings Arms, not a fair result, but that’s the way the cookie crumbles (un-fortunately).